The Tiniest Big News

Yes, a baby!

Sorry, I'll use caps... WE ARE HAVING A BABY!

We are excited and nervous and anxious and crazy about our little nugget already. And! Already in the third trimester! Yes, we are getting close to meeting Baby J. For a quick catch-up, here's a break down of the pregnancy so far, and answers to the questions I get on the daily.

First trimester

Constant sleeping, aversion to anything homemade, a scary complication.

Cue exhaustion. I'd always glanced over the "fatigue" in the pregnancy symptoms lists, thinking it was no big deal and I could just sleep a little extra. WRONG. I was hit hard for a good 2.5 months. No amount of sleep helped. If I was awake for more than 45 minutes, I would be ready to go back to bed. There were mornings in T1 where I would wake up, get ready for work, drive myself to the office, sit down at my desk, and think: that's all I can do today. I need to go back to bed.

So, if you're wondering where I went November-January, I was either asleep or going to get carry-out with Husband because...

Homemade food grossed me out. Anything that came out of our fridge or cabinets was nausea-inducing. I never had anything close to the morning sickness I've heard war stories about (which I am very thankful for), but I can count on one hand the number of times I made dinner during the first trimester. I even stopped going to the grocery store with Husband (ew, groceries). Pre-packaged food and take-out became my best friends.

There was also a night that landed us in the ER when I was 10 weeks along due to very sudden and very heavy bleeding. We were sure I was having a miscarriage. One thing I learned from our late night ER trip is that you get to ditch just about everyone else in the ER if you are pregnant and bleeding. They rushed us into a room before we even had time to sit in the waiting area. I had vitals and a doctor came in and told us: this is serious, then off to the lab for blood work (which worried me because did my body have any blood to spare at this point?), and all the while blood was soaking through everything I was wearing and the nice nurses supplied me with an arsenal of feminine hygiene products, and finally we went to an ultrasound where I couldn't look at the screen. Then I heard the tech say: there's Baby's heartbeat and I had to look because how was that even possible? I had been hemorrhaging blood for the last two hours. But sure enough, Baby was moving and shaking like nothing perilous was going on in there and it was just baby business as usual. Finally, we saw the doctor. He told us they didn't know what caused this, there was a 50/50 chance of a miscarriage, and we would have to wait and see what happened.

So we left scared and exhausted and hopeful and thankful for the life God was creating and sustaining. We wondered at how this person we had learned about less than two months prior had already taken up so much of our hearts. And we stopped at the store on our way home to buy all of the maxi pads.

The bleeding continued for another 3 and a half weeks. I would look at miscarriage statistics to watch them go down by the day, and then remind myself that my comfort wasn't in numbers. It was a hard space to live in, and I know now how big a risk it is to hope for good things when they could so easily be lost. But we hoped anyway.

Second Trimester 

Telling everyone, maternity clothes galore, feeling like a functional human again

When people say the second trimester is the best part of pregnancy, they are not kidding.

The bleeding finally stopped. Weeks of anxiety and exhaustion gave way to full-fledged excitement. Baby looked perfect and I felt great.

With all of the complications of the first trimester, me being generally wiped out, plus being put on "couch potato" status by my doctor (yes, this is the expression she used. Yes, she is my favorite), we weren't openly sharing our news beyond immediate family. But with the scary first trimester behind us, we started spilling the beans. While part of me loved Baby being our secret, telling people news this exciting is now one of my favorite activities.

T2 also marked the official transition to maternity clothes. I'd given up on regular pants early in the game. When I told my boss about the pregnancy, she said she had been suspicious because I had been exclusively wearing tights and elastic waistbands for about 10 weeks. But when I took the plunge and got my first pair of actual maternity pants, it was life-changing. How do people ever go back to regular pants? I've always loved the snug feeling of high-waisted pants, but high waisted pants made out of elastic? Pretty much what I've been searching for my whole life.

Unsolicited advice about maternity clothes: A lot of people say to hold off for as long as possible on buying maternity clothes. But you're going to need them eventually. Get 'em early so you can get as much use out of them as possible... And so you don't have to struggle with ill-fitting/uncomfortable/unflattering clothes any longer than you need to. There's enough of that with a rapidly changing body shape anyways. My strategy early on was to buy non-maternity basics that would work through early pregnancy all the way through delivery. Think: long tops made of very stretchy material or loose, flowy tops. NOPE. These are now too short and/or too tight. Go for the maternity.

So second trimester was me feeling good in my new pants, obsessing over my growing bump and all the kicks and wiggles it was producing, and finally getting energy back to survive on less than 14 hours of sleep. I even started cooking again! I knew I was back one day when I woke up wanting Chicken Cajun Pasta.

Yes, T2 was a dream compared to T1. We took trips and went on dates and there were even a couple of times when I thought: I love being pregnant, and I want to do it a lot more times.

TBD if that feeling will stick around.

Third Trimester (so far)

All the thoughts, pregnancy brain, the world's greatest workout

Currently one month in. I think Baby may be in my lungs at this point, and definitely is practicing boxing.

Here are a couple of things I think every day:

I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET BABY J.

I can't imagine loving life more than I already do with just Husband and I am sad that this newlywed stage is coming to an end.

So much to do and only two months left! I can't believe we're in the third trimester already! This is going so quickly!

I'm going to be pregnant for another two months? That is sooooooo long.

The pregnancy brain thing also appears to be real. I blame it on all of the above thoughts running through my head on a loop throughout the day. But the other day Husband told me he needed to go buy some paperclips and I couldn't remember what a paperclip was. He had to describe it to me. Send help.

I am starting to get to the uncomfortably pregnant stage. Sleep is getting progressively more difficult, and I have stopped counting the number of times a day I accidentally bump myself with a door. A couple days ago I was thinking about the fact that I am - at all times - carrying 30-some extra pounds in the shape of a basketball strapped to my front. That sounds like a hardcore workout. And my body is feeling it. But I am reminding myself of how unsure we were that Baby would make it to this point, and I am - more than anything - grateful to still be carrying Baby J.

FAQ's

When are you due? Early June! Never been more excited for summer!

Do you know what you're having? A boy! We both - for no reason at all - thought Baby would be a girl, so this was a surprise. We are very excited for a baby boy!

What do you miss most? I can never decide between margaritas or sleeping on my stomach or poached eggs. So all of those.

Do you have cravings? No more than usual. I've always had oddly specific and short-lived cravings. Being pregnant makes me feel a lot more validated in having Chick-fil-a lemonade, milkshakes, and chocolate milk galore. Thank you, Baby!

Do you have a name picked out? Sure do!

Are you telling people the name? Not until Baby is born. And I don't know yet if we will share it on the internets. I want to be mindful of his privacy when it comes to the blog/social media. It can be hard to know how much is okay to share - pictures with his face in them? His full name? This is uncharted territory for us, and we want to navigate it well and cautiously.  I hope you're okay with this bit of distance.

Are you excited? So, so excited.